This moment matters

This moment matters.

So, here’s the thing. When times are hard we would do anything for them to be different.

Never more so than at the bedside of a loved one who is dying. We want to fix it, take it away, for it not to be happening. We can be in denial that they are dying. We so want to heal them, make them better. And that is a perfectly normal reaction.

And yet…..

Whilst we are busy wishing things were different for our loved one we are not able to give the best of ourselves. We are not able to be fully present with what is.

With them.

For them.

And for us to be completely present we have to radically accept the situation as it is and not for how we wish it to be.

It’s shit – I get it.

Yes, it can be excruciatingly painful.

Stay there anyway.

Why ?Because this moment matters.

I have seen people so overwhelmed at the bedside because their thoughts are full of fixing or wishing it wasn’t happening that they have missed a most beautiful opportunity to spend quality time with their loved one.

So how can we shift into a practice (and it is a practice!) of this acceptance and be more present with our loved one?

You can try this 👇

Take a few long, slow breaths and acknowledge your thoughts about wishing it wasn’t happening and, perhaps, say something like this to yourself “I wish this wasn’t happening but it is. How can I “be” with you right now?”

And let everything about each moment arrive.

The sounds.

The surroundings.

The image in front of you of your loved one and the details of their face and hands.

Their breathing.

Drink it all in.

Whatever is happening and however different they may seem to you they are still your loved one.

Notice the feel of your loved ones hand in yours.

The structures of the hand, the temperature, the softness of their skin.

Hold their hand to your cheek.

This moment matters.

It’s difficult but stay there anyway.

If you lean in for a kiss on their cheek, forehead, lips or hand notice the smell of their skin, the temperature and softness, the grooves and fleshy parts.

Allow your senses to be fully open and let everything arrive and touch them.

Without judging what arrives, trying to change it or forcing anything.

Speak gently if you wish but don’t feel that the quiet moments have to be filled with words.

Your presence is all that’s required.

Your loved one will know you are there.

This moment matters.

It’s difficult but stay there anyway.

And when you notice your mind drifting away into thoughts of regret or helplessness offer yourself some compassion and return your attention to your loved one in this moment.

This radical acceptance is not easy to practice.

But practice it anyway.


this moment matters.

I hope this reaches whoever needs to read it.

With fondest love as always

Nancy ❤ xx

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