I’ve written about eating and drinking at the end of life and what that can look like before.
Here’s a recap – your person’s hunger will diminish. This is all perfectly normal so try not to force or encourage your loved one to eat – honestly, it won’t make them live longer but it may cause extreme discomfort as their body is shutting down and they are excreting less.
But….
What do you do when your person is dying and their appetite has diminished but they are still insisting on eating something despite the pain and discomfort it causes them afterwards?
Perhaps we should first acknowledge that dying isn’t always what it looks like in the movies – unconscious, unresponsive, blissful.
It can be.
But there are usually other things going on behind the physical and medical scene.
Sometimes, a person dying can be conscious and aware up until very close to death.
There will be other signs that the dying process has begun and yet, your person feels that they “should” eat something.
And this can be despite them being very aware that death is fast approaching.
This scenario can be complex but ultimately it is the choice of that individual to eat (if they have capacity to make that decision) even when they know it causes extreme pain afterwards. Towards the end there is so little that can be within a persons control and eating might be the one thing that they can.
And enjoy the taste and the ability to eat in the process.
For those of us supporting someone in that situation we can gently let them know that the pain is likely due to eating when their body is trying to shut down. Remember the body knows how to die and it does so regardless of eating or drinking. Having honest conversations can be empowering for the other person.
Equally, your person might not be willing to have that conversation or open to hearing that. Or, might weigh up the situation having had the conversation and decide to eat anyway. And that’s ok.
So, don’t make it into a battle or deprive your person of food.
Instead, find some common ground.
Offer relief in the form of medications – paracetamol, wind relief tablets etc.
Or try repositioning them to see if that will ease their pain or discomfort.
Give them agency over their own body if they are able to make the informed choice to eat.
After all, it won’t be for much longer.
Nancy xx
HELD 