ritual – HELD

Ways to celebrate and honour the mum’s who have died, who are seriously ill or who cannot be or are not present for whatever reason and regardless if this is your first Mother’s Day without them or you’ve had many without them physically present.

I’m sharing this ahead of the day to give you time to plan ahead a little.

Incorporate their favourite colour into your outfit.

Buy or plant their favourite flowers.

Listen to their favourite music or sing their favourite song.

Or watch their favourite film or tv show.

Cook their favourite dish or eat a favourite snack or beverage of theirs.

Play the games the loved to play.

If you saved something of theirs get it out, hold it in your hands, get tactile with it – it can help you feel close to them.

Look through old photos and reminisce.

Visit one of their favourite places.

Pray for them.

Raise a glass to them with their favourite tipple.

Wear their favourite perfume.

Light a candle.

Meditate with them in mind.

Re-tell their best and worst jokes.

Read one of their favourite books or magazines.

This is a hard one – go stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself and tell your mum, and in turn yourself, how much you care about them, what you love about them, how they brought you joy or share a special memory of the two of you together. This is so powerful because your mum is still a part of you. Your mum is incorporated into your DNA and into your energetic being – even if the mum you are celebrating is not biological. Even if the mum you are celebrating is the mother of your child/ren, a mother figure or you never met them.

Write them a letter telling them how much they mean to you or about your news. File it with the keepsakes you have kept of theirs, burn in a ceremony allowing the smoke and floating ashes to take your message to them or pop it in a letterbox to heaven if you have one local to you (my nearest is at St Barts in Marsden)

And last but not least – it’s ok to still buy them a card and display it prominently and proudly.

Whatever grief is there let it be present too.

In the next few days I will write about coping with or surviving Mother’s Day if your relationship was toxic, non-existent or if you are currently estranged from each other.

With love

Nancy xx

Some people glide into the next year without any thought for the date and others celebrate with wild abandon.

And, of course, there is everything in-between.

There may be no miracles that happen as the calendar year turns from 2023 to 2024 – you are still you and your life doesn’t suddenly change, however, there is a subtle mental shift.

As we drift over the seconds of midnight whether you are awake or asleep, conscious of it or not, you will have one final 2023 out-breath and take your first in-breath of 2024.

New resolutions or intentions aren’t necessary, and yet, ceremony and ritual can bring resolution, comfort and hope for this shift in time.

And certainly, with the work that I do and the way it touches me bringing a little ritual to the evening is a beautiful way to honour that.

Since ancient times, the use of flame has been an important feature of many spiritual ceremonies whether of religious origin or not.

However, we don’t need to have any spiritual or religious leaning to feel the comfort of a candle lighting ceremony.

It’s amazing how candlelight can transform a space. How it can offer up space for reflection with it’s comforting glow.

If you wish, take time to honour those who will not be arriving into 2024 with a candle lighting ritual.

You may wish, on the approach to midnight, to light a candle and spend a moment in time with a memory of those you said goodbye to.

Or light your candle to honour yourself and all that you have endured.

Hold space for grief and suffering – yours and others.

For all the losses that you have experienced or that have touched you.

And also honour those special times.

The times that lit you up.

The times of personal joy.

And of collective joy.

Be present with whatever comes up for you.

If someone you loved dearly has died this year please know there is no pressure or expectation to wish away all that 2023 held for it is likely to hold some very special memories amongst the painful ones.

Let us live where we need to be, and hold on to those memories that help us through difficult time.

With love as always

Nancy xx

Tag: ritual

When Mothers Aren’t Present

A Ritual as the Year Turns