20th April is National Death Doula Day!
Encompassing the End of Life Doula, the Soul Doula, Soul Midwives and Deathwalkers.
So, you want to be an End of Life Doula?
I sometimes get emails from people interested in offering this service so what does it take to be one?
Well, let’s first begin by telling you that if you’re looking for an occupation that will make you financially rich or even financially comfortable then this isn’t for you.
It will, however, bring a richness to your heart and life that is priceless.
If you need an income appreciate that you will have other work running alongside being an End of Life Doula.
As a Doula you will be invited into life’s most profound, intense and humbling experiences.
Do you need to have experience in end of life care before training?
Not at all.
What’s most important is your propensity, willingness and ability to love, to hold space and listen deeply. Humility is absolutely essential in supporting the dying – we can’t and will never know it all because each and every one of you are unique.
Can you advocate for others sometimes in the face of opposition?
Are you resourceful? It really isn’t as simple as sitting at the bedside and holding a hand.
Can you trust the dying process and can you trust that your companion knows what is right for them?
Can you remain grounded and present when grief, suffering and overwhelm shares the same space?
Can you lean into that suffering?
Be absolutely present with it?
Are you resourceful? It’s not a matter of tending passively but digging into your resourcefulness when needs arise.
I strongly recommend that you DO gain some experience in being present with the dying either through working/volunteering in a care home or hospice. Caring for someone who is a relative or friend is very different to companioning a family that you don’t know at the end of life. Although, indeed, they will feel like family very quickly.
Some people come to this field who already work in healthcare such as doctors, nurses, social workers and healthcare assistants and some work in the holistic services but equally there are many from other areas of work who simply feel called to this.
Be prepared for the training to be deeply reflective.
A place where you will likely touch your own grief and suffering.
Be prepared for the practice of doula-ing – the practice of deep listening, holding space, humility, presence and tender loving to be ongoing. They are not skills that we reach the pinnacle of and stop but ones that require us to consciously practice. We are human and whilst practicing these skills we get to recognise where we could do better.
And be prepared for the dying to reveal to you that they are the biggest wisdom holders of all time.
Not always in their words but in their presence.
Is this your calling?
With love
Nancy xx
HELD 