When I think about how to describe my service as an end of life doula in as few words as possible these four words come as close as I can get – tending to the soul.
How that looked this week was listening to someone I’m walking alongside in their last few months who talked about their fears and regrets.
We began to unravel the fears of what dying might feel for him and discuss what might bring him comfort at that time. We discussed his end of life meds and symptom control.
And I gave him space and time to process and attend to those regrets with love without trying to reframe them, deny them or put a positive spin on them.
Sometimes, when tending to people, I notice so much the family member or friend (and sometimes even medical staff) “brushing off” when the one dying shares these innermost fears, concerns, regrets. As if they don’t matter. Or they say something to placate and the dying person feels unheard, goes quiet, shuts down.
This is the time that not only the body begins to unravel and start the process of transition but so too does the heart and mind.
Just as the body knows how to die so too the heart and soul knows what it needs to find peace at the end.
If only there are people there to tend to that part of us with attentiveness, gentleness and care.
I have witnessed the most steadfast and unmoveable characters reduced to tears because no-one has been heartfully there to bear witness to this process.
It takes skill.
And a ready heart.
To tend to the soul this way.
The term soul does not belong to the realms of religion but to many spiritual , philosophical, and mythological traditions.
Perhaps, consider that soul is simply love.
This is how the ancient texts from Bhagavad Gita describes the soul.
“The soul wears the body like a coat and discards it at the time of death.”
The religious texts of Bhagavad Gita, although based on Hinduism, are approachable and relatable to all of humanity regardless of whether one follows a religious ideology or not and is considered, by some, the epitome of all spiritual teachings.
Whether you believe in the soul or not, have a different name for it, believe it is part of who you are or only reflect on it when your life is coming to an end what I attend to most as a doula is your inner comfort.
Your innermost self.
The stuff that brings peace and comfort to your heart and mind.
Again, I invite you to consider that the soul is simply love.
And I attend to that love.
In many ways.
In many forms.
How would you want your love, your soul attended to as the end draws near?
With love as always
Nancy 
xx
HELD 