“It’s really difficult to imagine that you can hate this person whilst simultaneously loving them.”
The brutal honesty of this statement hit me hard.
It was shared with me by a parent at a children’s hospice I was working at.
And I’ve heard similar experiences from care-givers whilst supporting adults at the end of life.
When inquiring a little deeper what transpires is that for many, if not most, the hate is for the situation not for the person they are caring for.
The strain of being a care-giver can be phenomenal.
No one chooses to be in the position of caring for their beloved child or adult with a life-shortening or terminal illness – it is thrust upon us.
For those caring for people with a slow, progressive terminal illness such as MND, Parkinsons, copd or dementia resentment can slowly build – a constant drip-feed into the system.
Then, when frustration or anger arises, when something doesn’t go right or when we are utterly exhausted from the practicalities and emotional strain of caring it is directed at those we love most.
What is the solution for this?
Well, there is no single solution.
It’s a matter of seeking support in whichever way you need it.
That may be physical support, emotional, spiritual or a mixture of all three.
The hardest part is asking for support.
That in itself can leave us feeling vulnerable and inadequate.
Know that, supporting someone at the end of life takes a community of caring, committed individuals.
It was never meant to be done alone.
Nancy xx
HELD 