My doula heart is often brushing against the edges of time.
And the idea of time has long grappled with by the human mind.
With clocks and calendars, schedules and the keeping of time.
For some times is dismissed as a human construct.
Does time even exist at all?
Whether we like it or not time is still recognised and even recorded by nature.
Times of daylight and moonlight.
The waxing and waning of the moons bringing a regularity of full moons.
The changing of the seasons.
The rings within the trunk of a tree.
Our circadian rhythms.
The different layers laid down through history upon the earth each revealing the life of that era.
We think of time as perpetual.
And, our existence is just a moment in time.
A miniscule blip in the ethereal space of the universe.
This life, our life, is this space, between birth and death.
That is our time.
Made up of many, many moments.
When time has passed we cannot get it back, yet sometimes, we can make up for lost time.
Time is given and it can be taken away.
It is thought that money can’t buy time but living in poverty can shorten our time on this earth.
Time can seem to go fast or slow.
Sometimes it can feel as if time is standing still.
We can “kill” time but we can’t create time.
When we choose to spend our time with another we are offering them moments of our life. Sharing in each other’s moments. What a precious gift this time, our moments are to each other.
When we are forced to spend time with another or doing something not of our choosing is this then a theft of our moments?
For we cannot get them back.
Some say we should be present with those moments too but in times of grave depravity our survival instincts may take us elsewhere – to a different time.
Some of our moments in time are etched into our memory and yet others seem lost.
When death is nearing time takes on a different meaning.
We suddenly have a very different relationship with it.
Suddenly we find there is more time behind us than in front of us.
Some pray for time.
Time to spend with their loved ones.
Time to say many I love you’s.
Time to make amends.
Time to laugh.
Time for more living.
Some pray that their time is short.
Not necessarily because they don’t love life or the people in their lives.
But because they wish their suffering to end.
Or they simply feel their life is complete and fulfilled.
Some are confused with time.
When death doesn’t happen when “expected”.
I have heard before “why am I not dead yet?
Or, “Why am I still alive?”
And sometimes “why is it taking so long?”
Some may say “How did I get to this moment so soon?”
Some try to “cheat” time by opting for medical interventions that bring renewed hope for more time but may ultimately affect the quality of their time.
Of their moments.
Time.
It comes.
It goes.
It does not wait for us.
It carries on regardless.
There is nothing more grounding of time than our closeness to the end of “our” time.
Until our own death separates us from time.
And time will carry on regardless when ours is up.
When our existence in this human form has left this earthly plane.
Time is simply made up of moments.
How we spend those moments is up to us…..
Nancy x
Art by Titanium Dragon via Deviant Art
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